My Mother, The Fanatic
by Harris |
June 13, 2011 06:26 PM |
13 comments
Harris
Location:
NY, NY
Favorite Flavor:
Whichever I am currently using.
If you could travel back in time, what era would you live in? The Jurassic Era.
What’s your favorite meal? Do you cook?: Steak...no, I don’t cook (wait, does microwaving count?)
Three things you cannot live without…Josie (wife), Kilo (dog), breathing.
I am a member of the Coffee-mate Brew Crew.
I think everyone (at least everyone interesting) is fanatical about something. Me? It’s animal rescue. My wife? It’s violence against women. Of course, not everyone is a fanatic about social issues. I have a friend who’s a hockey fanatic. He tapes every game…from the radio. Personally, I think the only thing more boring than listening to a hockey game on the radio would be to listen to a replay of a hockey game. But hey, to each his own, right?
My mom is a fanatic about one food-related item – Coffee-mate. She actually carries a small container of it everywhere she goes in case she decides to have coffee (and she usually does).
A few years ago, we took a trip to visit relatives in Florida. I convinced mom that they did in fact have Coffee-mate in the Sunshine state so she didn’t have to bring a bottle with her (I think she called Uncle Danny to verify my story). Since I didn’t think they’d have it on the plane, I looked online and read that she could bring it with her, but only in a three ounce container. Of course, she took this option, storing it in an old pill bottle.
While checking in, the security agent who was viewing my mom’s bag through the x-ray scanner asked what was in the bottle.
“Coffee-mate,” My mom answered, and then added, “French Vanilla.”
He smiled. “No, really, is it medicine?”
“I swear, Coffee-mate!”
He looked at her with squinted eyes, took her bag off the belt, and asked my mom to show him the container, which she did.
“Can you open it?” he asked, extending the bottle.
“Sure.”
He took a whiff and calmly stated, “yup…Coffee-mate.”
At restaurants, even though she has an ever ready supply on her, she still berates servers when they don’t carry it.
For example, when I come to visit, we always go to the same diner near her apartment. She goes there with her friends too, so much so, that they don’t even charge her for coffee anymore. You’d think that would be enough to make anyone happy - but not her.
“Thanks,” she said, as the waitress dropped off her coffee.
“Sure thing,” the waitress smiled, and turned to walk away. Before she got two steps away my mom stopped her.
“Oh, excuse me, excuse me, miss?” The waitress slowly turned around. “Do you have Coffee-mate?”
“Um, no, still no Coffee-mate.”
I thought her “still” was odd so I asked my mom why would the waitress say “still?”
Mom innocently responded that she had no idea, but I thought I did. When I asked the waitress she confirmed that mom has been waging a tireless one-woman campaign to get the diner to carry Coffee-mate. Why was I not surprised?
Another time at the diner, my mom had to use the restroom. While getting up from her seat, she grabbed her container of Coffee-mate.
“Is there a coffee dispenser in the bathroom?”
“No, I just don’t want anyone else to take it.”
I looked around while starting, “Who’s gonna take…” And then we just looked at each other.
“Fine…take it with you.”